It was just a single sob at first, a quick, hysterical inhalation. Then a second. And then I couldnâ€™t stop it. Tears, a flood of them. I felt the sand grow cold and muddy under my face, felt my body shuddering uncontrollably. He didnâ€™t tell me it was okay. He didnâ€™t try to pull me against him or onto his lap. He kept his hand on my shoulder and sat silent next to me.
I knew I wouldnâ€™t be able to stop. Iâ€™d let go, and now the river would flow un-dammed.
No. No. I shook my head, clenched my teeth, lifted up and let myself fall down hard, sending a spear of pain spiderwebbing out from my arm. The pain was a drug, and I accepted it greedily. It was a dam, stemming the tide of tearsâ€¦.