â€œIâ€™ll tell you what no guy wants any female to know.â€ I take another sip of my coffee. â€œSo, you know when youâ€™re at a club dancing, having a good time with your friends? Almost always thereâ€™s some random guy who comes up to you?â€
â€œHow do you know?â€ Stiles interrupts. â€œWeâ€™ve only been together, oh I donâ€™t know, sinceâ€¦forever,â€
â€œOh my god dude, hakuna your tatas. Youâ€™re sitting right next to her, of course she gets hit on when she goes out.â€ Rolling my eyes, I continue, â€œAnyway, a guy comes up to you and maybe offers up some small talk, or maybe to buy you a drink. Thereâ€™s a chance you may say no, or perhaps a small voice in the back of your head is thinking â€˜this guy only wants to get me drunk and take me homeâ€™, which then reverts back to you most likely denying the drink. You with me so far?â€
She nods. â€œYes, and thatâ€™s so true!â€
â€œI know my women.â€ I chuckle at her dirty look. â€œBut what if this guy has a friend. Sayâ€¦this friend comes up in the middle of the conversation, or whatever is happening between the two of you, with maybe some shots or drinks? Arenâ€™t you less likely to decline the free shot or drink?â€
â€œHmm, I guess I would be.â€
â€œEspecially if the friend is drunk, or at least buzzed, by the time this happens. Because then, it would ease your mind even further, correct?
â€œYeah, probably. If itâ€™s coming from his friend I wouldnâ€™t think itâ€™s a ploy to get me drunk, just him being friendly and wanting to have a good time.â€
â€œExactly.â€ The loud clap from my hands echo. â€œBut weâ€™re not being nice, Holl. Itâ€™s a total fucking ambush. Whenever we were single, it was bro code. Iâ€™m chatting with a girl, Stilesâ€”purely for the purpose of an exampleâ€”already knows heâ€™s to show up a few minutes into our conversation with shots and/or some kind of drink. If my attention is on you for at least five to ten minutes, itâ€™s the silent horn to help me move in. Before you know it, youâ€™re having a great time, youâ€™re letting loose, and you think maybe, just maybe, leaving with me could be a good idea. At the end of the night, everybodyâ€™s happy.â€
Her eyes go wide. â€œYouâ€™re kidding me,â€ she breathes out. â€œThatâ€™s soâ€¦â€
Here we go. Sheâ€™s going to rip me a new asshole.
â€œBrilliant! I would totally go for that and get royally ambushed.â€
â€œYeah?â€ I say, a huge grin appears. â€œSee? This particular play has about a ninety-five to a ninety-nine percent success rate.â€ Stretching my arms out and yawning, I continue, â€œItâ€™s basically foolproof. And people say women are hard to figure out? I say, challenge accepted.â€
â€œUnlessâ€¦â€ she says.
â€œUnless?â€ Now Iâ€™m curious to see what kink sheâ€™s found in the best plan ever.
â€œWhat if she doesnâ€™t drink? All of that planning and scheming will be for nothing.â€